He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
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My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
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Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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