Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
