Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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