well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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