Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
