So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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