I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
