I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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