the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Randomize
