Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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