then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Come see our sink grown plant.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
