Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
