we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
