You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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