we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
