Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
