I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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