Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
