Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Dignity is for republicans.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
