I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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