You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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