It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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