i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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