LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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