kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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