So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
