come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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