glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
