dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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