I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
