How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
