I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
my liver is dry heaving
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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