I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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