You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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