Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
