so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
