WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
