i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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