so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
