I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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