marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
