You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
