I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
