I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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