WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
