She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
