As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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