Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
