Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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