i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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