dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
