let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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