you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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