Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
