I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Let's get the cat blown out
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
