Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Ladies don't puke and tell
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
