Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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