no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
