Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
