I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
