my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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