Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
it glows. i had to have it.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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