there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
