you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
