is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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