All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
