I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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