Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
